A caterpillar must turn into a chrysalis in order to become a butterfly. It must wait inside, patiently, all winter while it morphs into what it is supposed to be. This year I have been in my chrysalis form.
"Like other types of pupae, the chrysalis stage in most butterflies is one in which there is little movement"- Wikipedia
The 25th year of my life was spent waiting and getting ready for the next step in my life. I failed a class and got kicked out of medical school, got pregnant, and had to come to terms with myself about both. These two things made my quarter century mark a turning point. I can't go back to what was- just as a caterpillar can't go back to being a caterpillar once it has started its change.
"These little groups of cells that start developing very early in the caterpillar's life but then they stall, and so they're just in there waiting, and they don't start growing until the very end of the 5th instar (the last caterpillar stage). Then they start growing really rapidly and differentiating into the different tissues, so that literally the entire internal contents of the caterpillar — the muscles, the entire digestive system, even the heart, even the nervous system — is totally rebuilt." -Learner.org
This is going to be a busy last month of my 25th year on this spinning blue ball:
- My final retake of Neuro is May 4th- this is what kept me from continuing school. It is what put me in an educational/professional/what-am-I-doing-with-my-life holding pattern for a year.
- My Tater is due early May- 9 months of growth and love to start a whole new life. My mom and parents-in-law will be arriving to greet the little guy.
My birthday is at the end of May. I will be out of limbo with what my life is going to look like by then. Even my husband's world should resolve some of its uncertainties by then too. I know what I would like it to look like: back in school, healthy baby, happy husband- my world as a beautiful butterfly full of flowers.
"This shows that the process of metamorphosis consumes a tremendous amount of energy." -Learner.org
It has been a rough year. One full of waiting, growing, learning some hard lessons, confronting some demons, and some more waiting. I have so many doubts and fears, as I'm sure an almost formed butterfly would have (How is this flying thing going to work?... I'm supposed to eat what now?... What if my wings didn't form right?... What if I'm not in the right place?... How do I do all this?...) Needless to say, I am feeling a little anxious right now (What if I fail again? You want a baby to come out of where? I get pain meds right? How will I go to school and be a good mom? When will we be able to have another? How will I pull off traveling for 4th year with a 2 year old and a husband with a job? How will we pull off residency? When am I going to sleep? Is that normal for my body to do that? No, seriously, how is this baby gonna get out- because neither of those two options sound fun. Why did I fail? How will I not fail again? Where are my toes? and my belly-button? What have I gotten myself into? What is this baby going to be like? Am I going to be enough?)
I have some amazing people in my life, so here is hoping to a bright, flower filled future. I have been hanging around in my limbo/pupa stage and the events are finally here that I can emerge. No more waiting. I can do this.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pupa
http://www.learner.org/jnorth/tm/monarch/ChrysalisDevelopmentLPB.html
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Third Trimester
I now understand why previously pregnant women don't remember all the weird stuff from the second trimester; it is amazing what you can get used to when you have it all the time.
As I start this third trimester, the second trimester stuff is old hat. I have had these minor inconveniences/discomforts for 3 months now and I am used to them. Most of them have become common in my daily life and I don't even think about them any more. Plus, now I have a whole new set of things to complain about- and this stuff is the stuff that the previous pregnant folk remember.
It is really weird to have a basketball in your stomach. I can't put my shorts on the same way any more because when I bend my leg to put it in the second leg hole- it runs into my stomach and so I can't lift it high enough. (It's amusing to watch me get dressed now) I have to bend my knee out to the side instead of straight up to get dressed. Shaving my legs requires some interesting leg positions as again my knees bump my stomach when I bend over. And then the stereotypical stuff of getting off the couch, in and out of cars, and tying shoes is all pretty accurate. Walking is waddling now and I can't squeeze through things like I used to. The pregnant lady swelling is also fun (my feet don't really like this and I had to take off my rings). Tater also puts weird pressures on things (like my ribs and bladder) that make it uncomfortable to stay in any one position for very long. And his kicks are getting stronger (though at least his windup space is decreasing- imagine a strong boxer in really close vs a weak boxer with more distance for his punches to wind up) It is still really cool to feel him move around in there- he is a regular wiggle worm (unless someone is trying to feel him kick- then he pretends he is a statue!) Sleep is harder now- this big belly rolling over requires effort, getting comfortable, Tater kicking all the time, heartburn, congestion, and hormones all make for a lighter sleep and weird dreams. I am getting enough- it just isn't quite what it used to be.
My body image is very strange right now. I am finally getting used to having this different body- I don't start at mirrors and wonder who that person is anymore. I have a belly in about 50% of my dreams, though many times I will be my normal self and then suddenly pregnant and then back again. My subconscious has found some interesting ways to integrate the midnight kicks into my dreams. I am glad I am finally big enough that it is really obvious I am pregnant and not just big. I can't fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes (other than some shirts and comfy stuff) so it is actually really easy to get dressed in the morning. It is still very strange to look in the mirror and see this belly- and that it keeps getting bigger! It is an interesting experience to have this kind of change going on!
I have a new appreciation for fat people. It is hard being this big. I can completely understand why they don't want to go to the gym- just moving the extra weight is a workout in itself. Plus, clothes don't fit well (though there is a really big difference in pregnant lady clothes and fat lady clothes- namely fat ladies are big all over whereas pregnant ladies are just big in one spot- it actually makes a big deal of difference in the cut). I only have to deal with having this extra size for a few more months- I can't imagine having it all the time with no real purpose for it. I know that being 30 lbs overweight and being 30 lbs pregnant are very different, but it has been an illuminating experience to feel this big. ( And I still have 8 weeks to go)
Pregnancy is a series of minor discomforts leading to a really big discomfort. I think this trimester is Mother Nature's way of making sure you are ready to get this over with. I am excited to get my body back- to be able to exercise, eat tuna, have some wine, be able to take medicines again, and to be able to lay on my stomach again. To have my body be "normal" again will be very nice- plus I will have my Tater. Here goes trimester 3!
As I start this third trimester, the second trimester stuff is old hat. I have had these minor inconveniences/discomforts for 3 months now and I am used to them. Most of them have become common in my daily life and I don't even think about them any more. Plus, now I have a whole new set of things to complain about- and this stuff is the stuff that the previous pregnant folk remember.
It is really weird to have a basketball in your stomach. I can't put my shorts on the same way any more because when I bend my leg to put it in the second leg hole- it runs into my stomach and so I can't lift it high enough. (It's amusing to watch me get dressed now) I have to bend my knee out to the side instead of straight up to get dressed. Shaving my legs requires some interesting leg positions as again my knees bump my stomach when I bend over. And then the stereotypical stuff of getting off the couch, in and out of cars, and tying shoes is all pretty accurate. Walking is waddling now and I can't squeeze through things like I used to. The pregnant lady swelling is also fun (my feet don't really like this and I had to take off my rings). Tater also puts weird pressures on things (like my ribs and bladder) that make it uncomfortable to stay in any one position for very long. And his kicks are getting stronger (though at least his windup space is decreasing- imagine a strong boxer in really close vs a weak boxer with more distance for his punches to wind up) It is still really cool to feel him move around in there- he is a regular wiggle worm (unless someone is trying to feel him kick- then he pretends he is a statue!) Sleep is harder now- this big belly rolling over requires effort, getting comfortable, Tater kicking all the time, heartburn, congestion, and hormones all make for a lighter sleep and weird dreams. I am getting enough- it just isn't quite what it used to be.
My body image is very strange right now. I am finally getting used to having this different body- I don't start at mirrors and wonder who that person is anymore. I have a belly in about 50% of my dreams, though many times I will be my normal self and then suddenly pregnant and then back again. My subconscious has found some interesting ways to integrate the midnight kicks into my dreams. I am glad I am finally big enough that it is really obvious I am pregnant and not just big. I can't fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes (other than some shirts and comfy stuff) so it is actually really easy to get dressed in the morning. It is still very strange to look in the mirror and see this belly- and that it keeps getting bigger! It is an interesting experience to have this kind of change going on!
I have a new appreciation for fat people. It is hard being this big. I can completely understand why they don't want to go to the gym- just moving the extra weight is a workout in itself. Plus, clothes don't fit well (though there is a really big difference in pregnant lady clothes and fat lady clothes- namely fat ladies are big all over whereas pregnant ladies are just big in one spot- it actually makes a big deal of difference in the cut). I only have to deal with having this extra size for a few more months- I can't imagine having it all the time with no real purpose for it. I know that being 30 lbs overweight and being 30 lbs pregnant are very different, but it has been an illuminating experience to feel this big. ( And I still have 8 weeks to go)
Pregnancy is a series of minor discomforts leading to a really big discomfort. I think this trimester is Mother Nature's way of making sure you are ready to get this over with. I am excited to get my body back- to be able to exercise, eat tuna, have some wine, be able to take medicines again, and to be able to lay on my stomach again. To have my body be "normal" again will be very nice- plus I will have my Tater. Here goes trimester 3!
Quilts!
So...
In order to stay sane while pregnant and out of school, I have taken up quilting. It is wonderful to have something to keep my hands busy and creative while getting a sense of accomplishment out of finishing one. I have enjoyed it and so I am displaying my work :)
1st quilt: A jelly roll and a charm pack - I pretty much made up the pattern, with some online inspiration.
Size: Throw Finished 9/2011
2nd quilt: Christmas Quilt in an Irish Chain pattern. I then quilted the "boxes" and put some gold snowflakes in a pattern on the white backing.
Size: Queen Finished 2/2012
It took from October to the end of February to finish this- I don't think I will be doing one this big again for a while. Not to mention I ended up sewing everything twice because the way the chains fall apart due to the way they are supposed to be cut to be sewn together into the correct pattern.
There are 17 "snowflakes" on the back in gold
3rd Quilt: Water Quilt. This one is made out of fabric generously donated to me by my quilting mentor (aka mother in law). It is based off a pattern called "Stars and Stripes Forever" in Easy Quilts Magazine. Instead of doing the red, white, and blue pattern with stars, I did a dark blue, white/light blue, turquoise/light blue pattern.
Size: Throw Finished: 3/2012
It may not be very clear, but the back looks really cool with a double stitch quilting along the "waves". I am very pleased with how this one came out.
The cats also had their input-
What good assistants.....
In order to stay sane while pregnant and out of school, I have taken up quilting. It is wonderful to have something to keep my hands busy and creative while getting a sense of accomplishment out of finishing one. I have enjoyed it and so I am displaying my work :)
1st quilt: A jelly roll and a charm pack - I pretty much made up the pattern, with some online inspiration.
Size: Throw Finished 9/2011
2nd quilt: Christmas Quilt in an Irish Chain pattern. I then quilted the "boxes" and put some gold snowflakes in a pattern on the white backing.
Size: Queen Finished 2/2012
It took from October to the end of February to finish this- I don't think I will be doing one this big again for a while. Not to mention I ended up sewing everything twice because the way the chains fall apart due to the way they are supposed to be cut to be sewn together into the correct pattern.
There are 17 "snowflakes" on the back in gold3rd Quilt: Water Quilt. This one is made out of fabric generously donated to me by my quilting mentor (aka mother in law). It is based off a pattern called "Stars and Stripes Forever" in Easy Quilts Magazine. Instead of doing the red, white, and blue pattern with stars, I did a dark blue, white/light blue, turquoise/light blue pattern.
Size: Throw Finished: 3/2012
It may not be very clear, but the back looks really cool with a double stitch quilting along the "waves". I am very pleased with how this one came out.The cats also had their input-
What good assistants.....
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Friday, December 30, 2011
What they don't tell you about being pregnant.....
Ah Pregnancy.
I have learned that no one tells you anything about it. The movies lie. All the women who have gone through it have forcibly removed certain memories of it and the rest won't tell you all the stuff that happens to your body because if they did, no one would ever get pregnant. I have gotten so many, "Oh yeah- I forgot about that part" and "Don't worry- that symptom you have that we would normally run lots of tests for is now considered normal". It is a pretty amazing experience, but it is not really comfortable all the time.
First of all, the first trimester is rough. I was very lucky and never got the morning sickness part- I just lost my appetite completely. I remember walking into a bakery and looking at a table full of amazing food, and thinking, "None of that looks appetizing. It should look good, but I really don't want to eat any of it". It was a very strange feeling not to want to eat anything. Hubby literally had to tell me to eat and then make sure I actually did it because I would eat half my sandwich and get bored and stop. I had really low blood pressure (90/54 sitting down after 30 mins of sitting quietly) which is normal apparently. I slept 14 hours a day (also normal). I was so glad not to be in school because I never would have made it to class- I would sleep 10 hours, get up and go to the couch to sleep/doze for another 4, get up and go back to bed. I lost 5 pounds (which is normal) and I just remember being really dizzy and tired all the time. The rest is a blur (probably from being dizzy and tired all the time- also normal).
Second trimester is way more fun. I hit 13 weeks and it was like someone remembered to turn on my body. I suddenly only was sleeping 10 hours and didn't want to sit on the couch anymore. Food was yummy again(especially salty stuff). I got a job because I didn't want to sit still anymore. I felt like I had gotten over a really bad flu and was finally feeling better. The part they don't tell you about here is what your body is doing in response to the fact that something very delicate is growing in you. All your bodily secretions increase. ALL of them. Things that are now considered normal are: bloody noses, increased salivation, increased eye gunk, increased other orifice gunk (yes all orifices), increased acne, increased hair growth (legs, arms, eyebrows, upper-lip, stomach, feet, head- you name it, it gets darker/increased hair growth), increased nail growth, hormone surges (yup- random crying does occur), heartburn, leg cramps, skin irritation, constipation, tighter shoes, sore boobs, weird skin spots, and random cramps and pains. I only complain because something happens and I think to myself, "huh, I've never had that happen before" only to find out that this weird thing is considered normal and will just continue to increase as the baby grows. Most of them are either protective for the baby (all the increased gunk helps keep bacteria out) or the result of hormones (why my skin looks like I am 15 again). It is fascinating to find out what changes my body is doing to accommodate and protect the little guy- and how much weird stuff can be considered normal!
One thing that is very strange is how much the baby moves. It is a strange sensation to begin with- it feels like your intestines shift, or a bubble popped inside of your lower stomach. As it keeps increasing in intensity and frequency, I am constantly surprised at how much he moves! It catches me off guard right now, but soon I know I will feel it all the time. I have even started incorporating it into my dreams (I was a spy who was suddenly pregnant- luckily that didn't interfere with my spy plans). I am so excited for him to get a little stronger so that other people can feel him move.
Overall, I understand why people don't remember this weird uncomfortable stuff. The fact that there is a little person growing inside of you, that you love them so much just for being alive, that you are growing something with so much potential, that it is worth it. The strange uncomfortableness is worth it. I am sure that I will find more things that I am not too fond of (like the heartburn kicking in right now and my organs being used as punching bags) but Tater is worth it. I would go through a lot more uncomfortableness for this little guy and I haven't even met him yet. The awesomeness of the child overshadows the little discomforts. I am only half way through the process, but I wouldn't want to stop now- things are just going to get better (and more weird).
I love my baby.
I have learned that no one tells you anything about it. The movies lie. All the women who have gone through it have forcibly removed certain memories of it and the rest won't tell you all the stuff that happens to your body because if they did, no one would ever get pregnant. I have gotten so many, "Oh yeah- I forgot about that part" and "Don't worry- that symptom you have that we would normally run lots of tests for is now considered normal". It is a pretty amazing experience, but it is not really comfortable all the time.
First of all, the first trimester is rough. I was very lucky and never got the morning sickness part- I just lost my appetite completely. I remember walking into a bakery and looking at a table full of amazing food, and thinking, "None of that looks appetizing. It should look good, but I really don't want to eat any of it". It was a very strange feeling not to want to eat anything. Hubby literally had to tell me to eat and then make sure I actually did it because I would eat half my sandwich and get bored and stop. I had really low blood pressure (90/54 sitting down after 30 mins of sitting quietly) which is normal apparently. I slept 14 hours a day (also normal). I was so glad not to be in school because I never would have made it to class- I would sleep 10 hours, get up and go to the couch to sleep/doze for another 4, get up and go back to bed. I lost 5 pounds (which is normal) and I just remember being really dizzy and tired all the time. The rest is a blur (probably from being dizzy and tired all the time- also normal).
Second trimester is way more fun. I hit 13 weeks and it was like someone remembered to turn on my body. I suddenly only was sleeping 10 hours and didn't want to sit on the couch anymore. Food was yummy again(especially salty stuff). I got a job because I didn't want to sit still anymore. I felt like I had gotten over a really bad flu and was finally feeling better. The part they don't tell you about here is what your body is doing in response to the fact that something very delicate is growing in you. All your bodily secretions increase. ALL of them. Things that are now considered normal are: bloody noses, increased salivation, increased eye gunk, increased other orifice gunk (yes all orifices), increased acne, increased hair growth (legs, arms, eyebrows, upper-lip, stomach, feet, head- you name it, it gets darker/increased hair growth), increased nail growth, hormone surges (yup- random crying does occur), heartburn, leg cramps, skin irritation, constipation, tighter shoes, sore boobs, weird skin spots, and random cramps and pains. I only complain because something happens and I think to myself, "huh, I've never had that happen before" only to find out that this weird thing is considered normal and will just continue to increase as the baby grows. Most of them are either protective for the baby (all the increased gunk helps keep bacteria out) or the result of hormones (why my skin looks like I am 15 again). It is fascinating to find out what changes my body is doing to accommodate and protect the little guy- and how much weird stuff can be considered normal!
One thing that is very strange is how much the baby moves. It is a strange sensation to begin with- it feels like your intestines shift, or a bubble popped inside of your lower stomach. As it keeps increasing in intensity and frequency, I am constantly surprised at how much he moves! It catches me off guard right now, but soon I know I will feel it all the time. I have even started incorporating it into my dreams (I was a spy who was suddenly pregnant- luckily that didn't interfere with my spy plans). I am so excited for him to get a little stronger so that other people can feel him move.
Overall, I understand why people don't remember this weird uncomfortable stuff. The fact that there is a little person growing inside of you, that you love them so much just for being alive, that you are growing something with so much potential, that it is worth it. The strange uncomfortableness is worth it. I am sure that I will find more things that I am not too fond of (like the heartburn kicking in right now and my organs being used as punching bags) but Tater is worth it. I would go through a lot more uncomfortableness for this little guy and I haven't even met him yet. The awesomeness of the child overshadows the little discomforts. I am only half way through the process, but I wouldn't want to stop now- things are just going to get better (and more weird).
I love my baby.
Holiday Card
'Tis the season for holiday cards- but since I am not writing one this year, I figured I should at least put this year down in writing somewhere.
2011 started out like most years- Some friends (and their significant others) took me out for New Years Eve fun. I got kissed on the cheek by both significant others since mine was still overseas, I broke a kitchen lamp with a champagne cork, and we had a wonderful time. I am hoping for as much fun this year- though it will be with less alcohol.
My Hubby came home in time for Medical School "Prom" which made me incredibly happy. He settled into Iowa life fairly quickly and school progressed as planned. I LOVE LOVE LOVE having him home. It is the best thing in the world to wake up and find him there and not have a time delay when talking to him. I will trade my "clean" house for his boy cooties any day of the week and be getting the better end of the bargain. I will spare you all the lovey-dovey-ness, but I love that man more everyday and I am SOOOO glad to have him home.
All was going as planned and then I failed Neuro. That was pretty much the big game changer for the year- it disrupted all our plans for a while, but I am hoping that it turns out to be a blessing in disguise. Insert cliche about a silver lining, sunny side of street, etc here. It has provided some interesting opportunities though.
During the summer I did some traveling. I went with 3 amazing medical school friends to Florida and we hung out on the #1 beach in the world for 2011 for a weekend. It was a amazing- we spent all day in the water hunting for sand dollars and then screamed like tweens at a boy band concert when we saw wild dolphins. We ate well, drank well, burned into well done, and even had a hospital visit (turned out fine).
Hubby and I then went to the Dominican Republic for 10 days with a friend from Canada. It was an all-inclusive place, with a swim up bar, and fantastic weather. We did a dune-buggy outing into the jungle- complete with cock fight, school visit, horseback riding, and homemade DR lunch- as well as a really fun Booze-cruise tour. The booze cruise started with some animal interactions at the marine park (a fur seal, stingrays and nurse sharks- we unfortunately couldn't touch the nurse sharks since it was mating season, but just swimming above them was pretty cool) and then snorkeling (with blue fish!) and then lots of rum in a quiet bay. It was so much fun to drink anything, eat everything, and dance all the time. I highly recommend the DR for a good time.
When we returned stateside, we went home to Colorado for the 4th and saw family, friends, and all Hubby's military buddies. Those guys crack me up to no end. I shot a 50 caliber hand-cannon (and hit the target dead on), went bar-hopping with all the guys, hung out with family and friends, and ate Big City Burrito. It was nice to go home and see everyone.
Since I didn't go back to school in the fall, we started a "boot-camp" workout class. Four times a week with high intensity drills and weights was kicking my butt into shape, until the last week when I started getting really really dizzy anytime my heart rate went up. I was a little concerned since I was trying to join the Military reserves, so we did some tests and it turns out I was pregnant! (Needless to say, the military idea was out.)
Pregnancy has been fun so far- growing a life takes a surprising amount of energy! I am still amazed at how much energy a 3oz life-form needs. We are so incredibly excited for Tater-Tot to arrive at the end of April. He is doing well so far (yes a HE) and the doctors say he is growing nicely and all the tests come back normal :) (Probably the only time this kid will ever be "normal"!) Hubby talks to "Tater" every day and he got to feel him kick:) It is a very strange sensation to have your insides moving around- I can't wait to have this little guy to cuddle with!
I started working at the Starbucks at Target for a seasonal position. I finally hit the second trimester and no longer wanted to sit around the house (there is only so much Netflix a person can handle). It has been a good experience. I made some cash, made some friends, and have had my need to finish school firmly implanted once again. I finish up next week and I am excited to start studying again.
That pretty much wraps up this year. Next year is looking pretty bright- there is an open seat in the class of 2015 (I just need a >80% for neuro and I am in), Tater will be joining the world, Hubby has some good job prospects in the works, my sister may come out to live in Iowa land (keep your fingers crossed! I want a free baby-sitter!), and life is looking good.
I wish you all a wonderful New Year and I pray and hope that your lives are blessed with happiness and opportunities (the obviously good kind- not the silver lining kind). Happy Holidays!
2011 started out like most years- Some friends (and their significant others) took me out for New Years Eve fun. I got kissed on the cheek by both significant others since mine was still overseas, I broke a kitchen lamp with a champagne cork, and we had a wonderful time. I am hoping for as much fun this year- though it will be with less alcohol.
My Hubby came home in time for Medical School "Prom" which made me incredibly happy. He settled into Iowa life fairly quickly and school progressed as planned. I LOVE LOVE LOVE having him home. It is the best thing in the world to wake up and find him there and not have a time delay when talking to him. I will trade my "clean" house for his boy cooties any day of the week and be getting the better end of the bargain. I will spare you all the lovey-dovey-ness, but I love that man more everyday and I am SOOOO glad to have him home.
All was going as planned and then I failed Neuro. That was pretty much the big game changer for the year- it disrupted all our plans for a while, but I am hoping that it turns out to be a blessing in disguise. Insert cliche about a silver lining, sunny side of street, etc here. It has provided some interesting opportunities though.
During the summer I did some traveling. I went with 3 amazing medical school friends to Florida and we hung out on the #1 beach in the world for 2011 for a weekend. It was a amazing- we spent all day in the water hunting for sand dollars and then screamed like tweens at a boy band concert when we saw wild dolphins. We ate well, drank well, burned into well done, and even had a hospital visit (turned out fine).
Hubby and I then went to the Dominican Republic for 10 days with a friend from Canada. It was an all-inclusive place, with a swim up bar, and fantastic weather. We did a dune-buggy outing into the jungle- complete with cock fight, school visit, horseback riding, and homemade DR lunch- as well as a really fun Booze-cruise tour. The booze cruise started with some animal interactions at the marine park (a fur seal, stingrays and nurse sharks- we unfortunately couldn't touch the nurse sharks since it was mating season, but just swimming above them was pretty cool) and then snorkeling (with blue fish!) and then lots of rum in a quiet bay. It was so much fun to drink anything, eat everything, and dance all the time. I highly recommend the DR for a good time.
When we returned stateside, we went home to Colorado for the 4th and saw family, friends, and all Hubby's military buddies. Those guys crack me up to no end. I shot a 50 caliber hand-cannon (and hit the target dead on), went bar-hopping with all the guys, hung out with family and friends, and ate Big City Burrito. It was nice to go home and see everyone.
Since I didn't go back to school in the fall, we started a "boot-camp" workout class. Four times a week with high intensity drills and weights was kicking my butt into shape, until the last week when I started getting really really dizzy anytime my heart rate went up. I was a little concerned since I was trying to join the Military reserves, so we did some tests and it turns out I was pregnant! (Needless to say, the military idea was out.)
Pregnancy has been fun so far- growing a life takes a surprising amount of energy! I am still amazed at how much energy a 3oz life-form needs. We are so incredibly excited for Tater-Tot to arrive at the end of April. He is doing well so far (yes a HE) and the doctors say he is growing nicely and all the tests come back normal :) (Probably the only time this kid will ever be "normal"!) Hubby talks to "Tater" every day and he got to feel him kick:) It is a very strange sensation to have your insides moving around- I can't wait to have this little guy to cuddle with!
I started working at the Starbucks at Target for a seasonal position. I finally hit the second trimester and no longer wanted to sit around the house (there is only so much Netflix a person can handle). It has been a good experience. I made some cash, made some friends, and have had my need to finish school firmly implanted once again. I finish up next week and I am excited to start studying again.
That pretty much wraps up this year. Next year is looking pretty bright- there is an open seat in the class of 2015 (I just need a >80% for neuro and I am in), Tater will be joining the world, Hubby has some good job prospects in the works, my sister may come out to live in Iowa land (keep your fingers crossed! I want a free baby-sitter!), and life is looking good.
I wish you all a wonderful New Year and I pray and hope that your lives are blessed with happiness and opportunities (the obviously good kind- not the silver lining kind). Happy Holidays!
Monday, September 5, 2011
Fall
I love the Fall.
Fall makes me feel hopeful and full of life. Something about the way fall smells, the way the light comes in, the activity, makes me feel alive and wonderful. I love the crisp smell of cooler temps and changing plants, and the way the sun slants in more orange and yellow during the afternoon. I love the cool breezes and the sounds the trees make as they prepare to sleep. I love the buzz of activity around fall- the football, the schools starting, hearing the band, the apples and pumpkins in a frenzied growth. I love the food and the celebrations. I love getting to wear jeans and sweatshirts and sleeping under covers, but it still being warm enough to play outside. I love the spurts of warm days, summer trying to get out all its sun before going to rest, and the days where it is cold and rainy- winter practicing before the frost comes.
I am also ready to be back in school. The break was nice- sleeping and low stress was nice, but now I am ready to be active again, to do things again. Unfortunately, I have another 6 months before I get to try again. I thought about taking classes at the local community college this fall, but my heart just wasn't in it. I didn't want to take Finance 101 just because I need something to do. I wish I could just fast forward to May and see what the future has in store. I have a lingering fear that I will fail again (though that would take some trying on my part), but I still want things to be settled.
I know I have some life changes coming up, I wish I felt more prepared for most of them. My 25th year of life is a year of waiting for the changes to take place. A year of being a chrysalis. Being a chrysalis takes a surprising amount of stamina and optimism- waiting out the changes and being hopeful that you made the right decisions- knowing that you have to live with them regardless- but still being excited.
Fall always reminds me of band. I have so many wonderful memories of after school practice in the fall- the sun slipping behind the mountains as we practiced on the parking lot- music, laughter, weird concoctions of Gatorade, sunglasses, movement. I remember football games with hotdogs and chips, being either too hot or too cold, but cheering like we cared. I remember riding home on the bus with Queen playing on the speakers, the pleather seats sticky in the afternoon heat and slippery with the evening cold. I remember tucking our plumes up our sleeves and watching the freshmen try to figure out how their "plumes were untied". I remember Dinkles shoes and lounging in the band hallway in the afternoon sun. I remember mornings in the gray sun in that hallway, and the smell of paper and books. I remember hating some days, but knowing that I would always come back. I only really remember the good things now- even the bad things are remembered as a growth. There are still things that make me angry, sad, and uncomfortable, but even those provided a growing experience. I remember feeling that I could accomplish anything and that things were easy. Fall always makes me feel that way again.
Fall makes me feel hopeful and full of life. Something about the way fall smells, the way the light comes in, the activity, makes me feel alive and wonderful. I love the crisp smell of cooler temps and changing plants, and the way the sun slants in more orange and yellow during the afternoon. I love the cool breezes and the sounds the trees make as they prepare to sleep. I love the buzz of activity around fall- the football, the schools starting, hearing the band, the apples and pumpkins in a frenzied growth. I love the food and the celebrations. I love getting to wear jeans and sweatshirts and sleeping under covers, but it still being warm enough to play outside. I love the spurts of warm days, summer trying to get out all its sun before going to rest, and the days where it is cold and rainy- winter practicing before the frost comes.
I am also ready to be back in school. The break was nice- sleeping and low stress was nice, but now I am ready to be active again, to do things again. Unfortunately, I have another 6 months before I get to try again. I thought about taking classes at the local community college this fall, but my heart just wasn't in it. I didn't want to take Finance 101 just because I need something to do. I wish I could just fast forward to May and see what the future has in store. I have a lingering fear that I will fail again (though that would take some trying on my part), but I still want things to be settled.
I know I have some life changes coming up, I wish I felt more prepared for most of them. My 25th year of life is a year of waiting for the changes to take place. A year of being a chrysalis. Being a chrysalis takes a surprising amount of stamina and optimism- waiting out the changes and being hopeful that you made the right decisions- knowing that you have to live with them regardless- but still being excited.
Fall always reminds me of band. I have so many wonderful memories of after school practice in the fall- the sun slipping behind the mountains as we practiced on the parking lot- music, laughter, weird concoctions of Gatorade, sunglasses, movement. I remember football games with hotdogs and chips, being either too hot or too cold, but cheering like we cared. I remember riding home on the bus with Queen playing on the speakers, the pleather seats sticky in the afternoon heat and slippery with the evening cold. I remember tucking our plumes up our sleeves and watching the freshmen try to figure out how their "plumes were untied". I remember Dinkles shoes and lounging in the band hallway in the afternoon sun. I remember mornings in the gray sun in that hallway, and the smell of paper and books. I remember hating some days, but knowing that I would always come back. I only really remember the good things now- even the bad things are remembered as a growth. There are still things that make me angry, sad, and uncomfortable, but even those provided a growing experience. I remember feeling that I could accomplish anything and that things were easy. Fall always makes me feel that way again.
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