Fall

I love the Fall.
Fall makes me feel hopeful and full of life. Something about the way fall smells, the way the light comes in, the activity, makes me feel alive and wonderful. I love the crisp smell of cooler temps and changing plants, and the way the sun slants in more orange and yellow during the afternoon. I love the cool breezes and the sounds the trees make as they prepare to sleep. I love the buzz of activity around fall- the football, the schools starting, hearing the band, the apples and pumpkins in a frenzied growth. I love the food and the celebrations. I love getting to wear jeans and sweatshirts and sleeping under covers, but it still being warm enough to play outside. I love the spurts of warm days, summer trying to get out all its sun before going to rest, and the days where it is cold and rainy- winter practicing before the frost comes.

I am also ready to be back in school. The break was nice- sleeping and low stress was nice, but now I am ready to be active again, to do things again. Unfortunately, I have another 6 months before I get to try again. I thought about taking classes at the local community college this fall, but my heart just wasn't in it. I didn't want to take Finance 101 just because I need something to do. I wish I could just fast forward to May and see what the future has in store. I have a lingering fear that I will fail again (though that would take some trying on my part), but I still want things to be settled.

I know I have some life changes coming up, I wish I felt more prepared for most of them. My 25th year of life is a year of waiting for the changes to take place. A year of being a chrysalis. Being a chrysalis takes a surprising amount of stamina and optimism- waiting out the changes and being hopeful that you made the right decisions- knowing that you have to live with them regardless- but still being excited.

Fall always reminds me of band. I have so many wonderful memories of after school practice in the fall- the sun slipping behind the mountains as we practiced on the parking lot- music, laughter, weird concoctions of Gatorade, sunglasses, movement. I remember football games with hotdogs and chips, being either too hot or too cold, but cheering like we cared. I remember riding home on the bus with Queen playing on the speakers, the pleather seats sticky in the afternoon heat and slippery with the evening cold. I remember tucking our plumes up our sleeves and watching the freshmen try to figure out how their "plumes were untied". I remember Dinkles shoes and lounging in the band hallway in the afternoon sun. I remember mornings in the gray sun in that hallway, and the smell of paper and books. I remember hating some days, but knowing that I would always come back. I only really remember the good things now- even the bad things are remembered as a growth. There are still things that make me angry, sad, and uncomfortable, but even those provided a growing experience. I remember feeling that I could accomplish anything and that things were easy. Fall always makes me feel that way again.