Life Lessons Suck

Sometimes you have to touch the stove to know that it is hot and will burn you.

I failed Neuroanatomy and as a result was academically dismissed- and cannot rejoin the class of 2014. It is a two credit course (of course the shortest one of the year) I am not entirely sure how or why I failed it. I have enough excuses- Sean being home, a different kind of studying, weather, medications, death of my dog, traveling, and other random excuses- but the fact is that I failed. I didn't do what was necessary and I slacked off and didn't take it seriously.

So, what does this mean?
I appealed the decision, and as a result I have to retake the class in the spring, pass with >80%, and then I can rejoin the class of 2015 (as long as space is available). This means I have a year off of school, my loans come due, and I have to find something to do until next year. I know that I can do this. I can pass this class, or I literally will die trying, and there is always someone who decides not to continue so I will have a spot. The hard part for me is going to be the finding something that will keep my brain in school mode, somehow pay or delay the loans, and keep myself busy.

I hate failing. It is one of my fears in life- that I will fail. I hate the shame that comes along with it- having to tell my friends and family that I failed, that I am not as smart as I seem, that I didn't live up to my potential kills me on the inside. I think I hate the shame and embarrassment of failing more than the actual failing.

I am mad at myself for allowing this to happen. I am putting this up on my blog so that it is there for the world to see and to help me overcome my embarrassment at not being perfect. This is something that I am going to have to explain a lot in my life and I might as well start now. I would rather be open and honest and tell everyone then leave it bottled up inside to fester and infect my spirit. The more used to telling people about this I get, the easier it will be in the future.

I am trying to look at this positively- I know that God only puts obstacles in our paths that we can overcome and I thoroughly believe that everything happens for a reason- even if we never find out what that reason was. I am determined to look at this as a growth experience and an opportunity to learn something. I know that this will make me more intent of my studies when they resume and that this may be a blessing in disguise. I just wish that God had decided to make the lesson a little less harsh to learn. I hate feeling stupid and I hate being in limbo land waiting for something to happen.

I know I am smart enough to do this, and that it is still something that I want to do. I will get through it, and hopefully this will turn out to be the opportunity of a lifetime. I am searching for that silver-lining.


Appropriate cliches:
-When you kick down an ant hill, they build it up stronger
-Try, Try, Try again
-You made your bed, now you have to sleep in it
-Thomas Edison had 1000 failures and only one success, but that is why we have the light-bulb
- Failures are pivotal moments that force you to take a different path - a path to a better place
-“Failure doesn’t mean you are a failure…it just means you haven’t succeeded yet,”
-“if you’re not failing, you’re not trying. You learn how the world works when you fail.
-Get back up on that horse after it kicks you off
- If it was easy, everyone would do it
-Light at the end of the tunnel
- Almost any sports analogy